Laos Bus Journeys from Hell

This post is a little out of time order but is dedicated to one of the worst sets of bus journeys we’ve been on since leaving Peru, which we felt deserved their own special mention. Half built roads, overturned trucks, questionable overtaking, thick fog, mountain ridges and narrow bends are just some of the obstacles to be over come when touring Laos by road (the other options include taking propeller planes between regional airports using airlines with questionable safety records- also a terrifying prospect). Journeys of 200 miles take 12 hours, the buses have no air-conditioning and stop every 20 minutes for seemingly no reason (or for cigarette breaks, or to allow ladies with whole barbecued chickens on sticks to enter the bus and waft them in your face, or for the driver to chat to his mates...)

Without doubt the journey that takes the biscuit for awfulness was our trip from Phonsavannah to Chompasak via Savannakhet and Pakse. This region, we later found out, is coloured orange on the UK government website – meaning they advise against all but essential travel. It wasn’t until after our 12 hour journey from hell that we read the reason for this is a number of roadside shootings and robberies, particularly on buses travelling on the very route we had just survived.

Given we didn’t know this before heading out, the journey itself was miserable for a number of other reasons. Firstly, the young driver and his completely redundant friend (who we thought was a replacement driver or someone organising the passengers turned out to be just a pointless dude) were the least well equipped bus operators I’ve ever seen. The driver was mental, swerving all over the road even when it was empty, speeding up then slowing down to a snails pace and randomly stopping which extended our journey time by 2 hours. As always with bus trips, the seats were cramped and had no leg room, but more annoyingly, the main door to the bus didn’t actually shut, meaning we spent 12 hours with dust, fumes and dreaded mosquitoes swirling round our faces.

The next set of driving horrors are quicker to bullet point, so I’ll just leave them here...

We’ll start with a list of things we saw the driver doing whilst supposedly in control of the bus:

• Answering and making phone calls (this is pretty common everywhere, so it wasn't really that shocking, but still confusing given his mate was sitting there with nothing to do - he should make the calls!)
• Getting out and attempting to check a printed spreadsheet on a clip board, meaning he was then steering the wheel with his elbows (this resulted in some driving on the wrong side of the road and very erratic speeds)
• Taking money from passengers, trying to get his wallet out of his back pocket and trying to count out change - again employing his elbows for steering
• Searching for and then watching whole Thai boxing videos on YouTube (seriously!)
• Eating a snack with a dipping accompaniment meaning he was leaning over to his friend and not watching the road at all, even when trying to go round hairpin bends
• Picking his feet (ew) but bending over to do so, again not even watching the road and using his elbows

Next we have a list of things the driver actually ran over and killed:

• A snake trying to cross the road
  
• A big lizard
  
• A dog (another upsetting incident)
  

And finally, here’s a list of things he very nearly ran over but swerved sharply to avoid at the last minute:

• A cow
• Many, many chickens
• Other buses and lorries
• Local people on motorbikes
• Children playing outside their houses

All of these things happened whilst we were travelling on roads with some of the most spectacular views we’ve ever seen, as we followed actual mountain ridges which were lined with houses precariously balanced over sheer drops BUT despite the beauty, I would say we’re not exactly in a rush to repeat our road trip any time soon and would suggest nervous passengers give these delights a miss.